How Will the World Treat Him

I wake up exhausted.

I go to sleep drained.

Most days, I assume it’s from working full-time and then being a full-time parent after that. But lately, I’m starting to think it has a lot more to do with the state of the world right now.

I hate to admit it, but some days I just want to be ignorant to everything happening. I want to wake up, watch funny reels, laugh at memes, and enjoy some celebrity chisme.

We’re privileged enough to actually have that option. The option of shutting off what’s happening around us and just staying in our happy little bubble.

My heart’s been heavy lately.

I feel a lot of sadness. The kind that doesn’t seem to go away.

I’m watching my baby (who’s not so much a baby anymore) play and learn and grow, and most days all I can think about is — how will the world break him?

Will he be allowed to be himself without judgment? Will he be able to stay soft and express his feelings without being bullied? Will he feel like he has to become an asshole just to fit in with “the boys”?

I think about the kind of person he’ll grow into… a lot.

Will he speak up for the ones who can’t? Will he be proud of where he comes from? Will he be proud of us? Will he feel free?

Will he be able to hold a real conversation — to think for himself, to speak with intention? Or will he turn into one of those kids who just repeat things that sound… “cringe”?

Will he stay connected to nature and understand that without it, we are nothing? Will he be able to follow his dreams without worrying about how he’ll pay for his next meal?

I want to protect him.

I want to tell him he can be and do whatever his heart tells him.

But will that actually be enough?

I hate that this is what goes through my mind almost daily.

I’m not someone who likes to sit in sadness. I’ve always tried to enjoy life — I love adventure, I try to see the glass half full.

But these days… I worry more than I’d like to admit.

I worry for his safety. I worry for his little heart. I worry about his feelings.

And I don’t know — is this how most moms feel? Is this just my anxiety taking over?

I should probably schedule some therapy… but for now I’ll stick with a little retail therapy and my monthly girls’ dinner to keep me sane.

Sorry, friends — this one’s a little heavier this week.

But with everything going on in the U.S., I needed a vent sesh.

I guess all we can really do is raise good humans and hope the world is kind to them.

XOXO: A worried mom